Can't Teach, Won't Teach

By Jon Wilks

For a handful of Japan-based foreigners, only one presumption rankles more bitterly than, "Americajin?" While it's true that the majority of our brethren have been bewitched, lured and press-ganged into eikaiwa slavery by neon lights and anime eyes, a tiny elite of strong-minded freedom fighters have driven their feet in and earned the right to stand up and cry, "An English teacher? Me? How dare you!"

It's easy to see why the presumption is so often made. The Roppongi taxi driver whose English speaking abilities amount to, "Hello! English teacher?" has courteously achieved such heights because, odds-on, the answer will be "yes" and he won't be obliged to take the conversation further. God help him if his fare replies, "No, male stripper, actually." It's a million-to-one shot, but at least there are a few thousand teachers on hand to help him develop his vocab should the occasion arise.

Of course, being the kindly folk we are, Japanzine has hunted down several of the more unique individuals in our midst to find out what our ill-fated taxi driver may be up against. From fake priests to a former metal God, we've scoured the land for anyone marching to a different beat and getting paid to do so: a shining bastion of hope for the untold hordes trapped in the mines.

PHILIP HARPER, SAKE BREWER

Cornwall is the big toe sticking out from the south-western corner of Great Britain. It's famed for pasties and clotted cream, and its rugged coastlines are a far cry from the metropolises that crowd the Kansai region. Yet it's here that we find one of Kernow's more wayward sons.

Philip Harper is probably the first foreigner to find employment with a traditional saké brewery, and his story is now the stuff of legend. Author of The Insider's Guide to Saké, and The Book of Saké: A Connoisseur's Guide, Harper is also a highly sought after public speaker. With the brewing season now well underway, Philip managed to find a few precious moments in his schedule to talk to us about what it is that he does. 

How does a dyed-in-the-wool Cornishman end up working in a sake factory?

I got hooked on sake shortly after arriving here on the JET Programme, and fell in with a bad crowd.

There's a common notion that foreigners can never be fully accepted into Japanese society. How true has this been in your case?

I lived in Germany for a while, and "passing" was a favourite game. I always got a buzz out of it when I spoke to someone and they assumed I was German. With fair, curly hair, you just can't do that in Japan (except on the phone). So in that sense, you can never "pass" here - unless you're of oriental extraction and look right, though that brings its own new set of problems. In my day-to-day work, it is really not an issue.

Talk us through a typical day in the life of a sake brewer.

It depends on the stage of the season. There is a fair amount of graveyard-shifting involved in traditional brewing, and I have been up several times in the last couple of nights, though things are still realtively quiet in the day. At the peak of the winter, I will start at six and still have stuff to do in the evening (and the middle of the night, some days). It's a pretty good guess that I won't get my next day off until late March, though this kind of regime is maybe not the rule any more.

Do you think there'll come a time when you hang up your sake-brewing apparatus and head home to fill pasties and work with cream?

Not sure, but I do like this job. The plan is to find a way to keep the fun bits, and make the whole thing a bit more human.

Two books so far... any plans for any more?

Nothing concrete at this point, but lots of ideas waiting to be realised. I might well do a Japanese book next.

CULLEN DARBY, MALE ESCORT

My Yes Man is an escort service in Tokyo, founded by Cullen Darby. Providing women with an alternative to a lonely night in, My Yes Man differs from its competitors by offering a decidedly non-Japanese set of options.

What is it exactly that you do?

We are trying introduce a service that could fill the empty voids one may have when participating in a party, event, or even when going to a movie. In Japan, men can find a hundred escorts in five minutes or less, but when a woman needs companionship, there is nowhere to go - until now.  
 
How does someone get involved?

We are set up as a club, not an employer. So - as with a dating service, chess club, arial club, etc - there is a yearly fee required to join our organization. You submit your introduction video and photos, and we take it from there. The key qualities for a successful escort are to be a great listener and never think of yourself. Always look your best and be on your best behavior at all times, remembering that she is paying for every second.
 
Does it pay the bills?

I always emphasize that we are not a place to look for a job. We are a club. But when a lady does choose a guy, he can usually make a month's worth of income in a couple days.
 
How many male escorts work for you?

We have about 33 guys on our website.  
 
What kind of demographic do you appeal to?

We appeal to women in their 30's and up, and we're still testing out the waters in many areas. For men, we are launchng My Yes Maam, and we are sure that this will be a success, too.

What are the customers mainly interested in?

Some customers call to spice up their relationship, meaning some guy wants another guy to share sex with him and his wife or girlfriend. I tell them that we are not a sex-based escort club and that my only job is to match the customer with the club member and negotiate a price.

Do you have rules about getting involved with a customer?

I don't tell the guys what they can and cannot do, because they do not work for us. However, we do have club rules to follow if they would like to be represented by us. They need to be at least 30 minutes ahead of the customer, dress their best, never ask for sex, and always be respectful. Deceit, theft or plain stupidity is not tolerated.  

Your website suggests that a woman can pay ¥150,000 for the "overnight" option. Forgive me for jumping to the obvious conclusion, but in what way does that differ from prostitution?

The best escorts, the hardcore guys who really know this business, can sleep with a women and avoid sex again and again. Sex with clients is the quickest way to losing them, because you're just giving them what they want. Great male escorts will get calls again and again because they do not act as low class sex escorts. Nothing against sex-based escorts, but we are going for another market.

How many of your customers tend to go for the "overnight" option?

The overnight option is for those women who think they will be out late or for those who start early and want to save in cost. It's basically a time-buying strategy that the ladies use to save money on dates they feel might take over 7 hours.

Why do you think your customers are interested in hiring gaijin escorts rather than Japanese?

I don't think one way or the other. I'm an entrepreneur with an idea, and I'm testing it out. I'm sure that My Yes Man will continue to grow and I think time will be our friend when all's said and done. There are always places to find Japanese stuff, so when I come up with ideas, I always think of how can I help foreigners get ahead a little more. I'm a true believer that foreigners can do more here than teach English or work in a night club.

HARVEY LEDER, DANCING AND STRIPPING

Having learned his trade on the streets of LA, Harvey Leder spent time as part of the dance troupe for both Paula Abdul and Michael Jackson. At the top of his game, his manager sent him for an audition with a company called J-Mens. Not keen on leaving the reputation he'd built in LA for a job in Japan, Harvey boarded the plane with reluctance, comforted by the fact that he'd negotiated his way down to a mere 6-week contract.

"I took the job because I wanted to buy a new car quickly," he explains with a grin. "But when I got here, I found it was a real pro gig. There were 7 guys - 1 singer, 4 dancers and 2 strippers - and the choreography and presentation were amazing. We were put up in the presidential suite at the Hyatt, overlooking Hakata Bay, and we were treated like Gods."

The troupe worked hard, performing 16 shows a week, but the rewards were beyond anything they'd imagined. One guy shipped home his dream car within the first 2 months of employment, while the others were showered with gifts on a daily basis. "The booklet for the show featured profiles of each performer, and if we mentioned our favourite deisgner in the profile, their stuff would turn up at the hotel the next morning."

He's coy when it comes to the meat and veg of his performance, a professional dancer to the last. "There was a tipping section when we'd all go down to a g-string, and if that's what you call stripping, then, yeah - I guess we were stripping. The women would stuff the cash in our strings. But it's all very tame in Japan. I wouldn't wanna be doing that in the US. It'd be too dangerous."

While his comrades took full advantage of the sexual offers they regularly received ("the customers knew enough English to say, 'together tonight?', before flashing the cash"), Harvey saw potential in the city and realized it was too small to be putting it about if he planned to settle here. His initial 6-week contract had been extended countless times, and as his language abilities improved, he began to look at career alternatives. TV-commercial work and dance teaching coincided with an offer to manage his own bar, and in the late ninetites he left J-Mens to start out alone.

10 years later he is still working in the entertainment sector, having managed several bars and moved into music (his band, Fever, were a popular attraction on the Kyushu rock circuit for many years.) He is now the voice of the Yahoo Dome -  home turf to the Softbank Hawks - and his debut solo album is out later this year.

MICHAEL NAISTUT, PROFESSIONAL ACTOR

Michael Naishtut followed a girlfriend to Japan 18 years ago and never looked back. With a rich background in American theater, he quickly established himself as a professional actor in Tokyo, and has been inundated with work ever since. His work has included stints on the most venerated stage in the country, as well as taking part in a regular children's program on NHK. He is also a founding member of the Tokyo Comedy Store, as well as the pulse behind the Akaoni Daiko drumming group. He can be seen this month performing in Tojin Okichi, at the Misonoza Theater, Nagoya.

On himself...

Basically, I'm an actor. I act with several different Japanese theatre companies and I've been on several different NHK TV shows, including 2 of the Eigorian programs (NHK learning program for kids).

On studying Japanese...

I never really studied properly because I started getting jobs as soon as I came here and didn't have the time. I've done a lot of work with Japanese theatre companies where my lines were in Japanese, so I've picked a lot up in that way. I performed Tojin Okichi over over 200 times over the course of 6 years, doing 42 shows a month. Then I did another jidai geki with the famous kabuki actor Ichikawa Ebizo, performing at the Shinbashi Enbujo for a month and then in Osaka for a month.

On teaching English...

I've never taught English. The closest I do is narration work for English language materials. I've appeared in a lot of DVDs and videos, usually doing something revolving around comedy. I've always loved doing comedy. It's something that comes naturally.

On getting work...

There are many different foreign talent agencies. The first thing I did was find out where the agencies were and applied. When something comes along they'll send you on an audition or interview. But, being here so long, I've made a reputation and conections with a lot of different companies, so I keep a very busy schedule. It's taken me years to build up.

On starting out...

I got a book listing all the theater companies in Tokyo - of which there were over 90 - and I did what I'd do in the States and mailed them all my picture, my résumé and a cover letter. Japanese actors don't do that. They join one company or agency and work their way up. Of the 90 I sent, I got 20 responses, which is pretty good. One group wrote back and said, "thanks for your interest in our theater company, but we wonder if you realize we are an all-women group!" Of the responses I got, I wound up getting several jobs acting in different plays with different companies, where I met directors who then offered me work in other shows, and so on. So it's all kind of snowballed.

On being a "gaijin tarento"...

When I began, there were a lot less foreign actors so a lot of my success depended on the element of surprise, so to speak. These days there are far more foreigners who speak Japanese really well, and they get on TV talk shows and variety shows. Their skill is their Japanese ability and their knowledge of Japanese culture, and that's interesting to Japanese audiences. Folks make fun of the gaijin tarento unfairly,  but it's hard work. It's not as easy as people think. You have to really understand how Japanese entertainment works, and understand that you need to provide a specific character and really understand that character well.

On the "invisible barrier"...

It's not a barrier of discrimination, it's just that the writers are not writing scripts for western foreigners. It's getting easier for Asian actors because of the recent Korean boom, so there's a bit of crossover. I don't feel people don't want to work with me because I'm a foreigner or anything like that, but in any country the film and TV industry is a reflection of society, so until the time when Japan has a lot more foreigners, there aren't going to be many roles. I was lucky with Tojin Okichi because my character is essential to the story. He's not just window dressing. It's a decent, challenging role.

Tojin Okichi opens at the Misonoza Theater on November 2nd, with tickets available from www.misonoza.co.jp

TONY THOMAS, J-POP COACH

I'd been involved with the local music scene for some time, just putting on events and playing with various bands - not really making enough to live on. I remember sitting in the bar of a large live-house in Fukuoka, when the owner approached me and asked if I was free the following day. The guy is pretty well connected, so I thought it might be cool to hang with him and see what he wanted doing.

We met the following day at Heacon Base (large studios in Fukuoka) and I was introduced to a band called A-Cappellers - four guys who looked no different to any other young Japanese, only they'd just come back from recording at Abbey Road in London. They were at Heacon to record the theme tune to a movie staring Ittoku Kishibe. My job: to coach their English pronunciation on a cover of Bobby McFerrin's Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Vocal coaching, of course, is a serious profession. Both Marty Friedman and Tim Jensen have made a decent go of it here over the last few years, though their English language duties have usually been limited to the odd line here or there. On my first outing, I was ladened with the task of seeing four young bucks who spoke little other than broad Hakata dialect through 5 verses, a cappella. 

In truth, there was very little that could be done. These guys were beyond hope, and despite my best efforts, seemed incapable of grasping the light-hearted tone of the song. In unavoidably impenetrable English, they smooched their way through the track with all the subtlety of an R'n'B choir made up of Whitney, Mariah and Beyonce (why use one note when you can use ALL the notes?) Still, my efforts were duly recognized, and I went away two hours later with twice the cash I'd earn from a day at NOVA. I've since worked with several other acts, and do regular ad work with larger companies, most recently Captain Morgan.

For further reading on this subject, try our Marty Friedman interview, or head to our page on gaijin in religious employment. Alternatively,  click here to see Stephen Carr's tale of a miso man.

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