Ask Kazuhide - December - 2007

By Kazuhide

Good afternoon. This is Kazuhide speaking with to you. This month I am getting bery political. I always political, but some idiot really offended with me from October issue. I will help to save them from being idiot, though almost useless, I must, to be the hero. Not like Hiro Nakumura TV show Japanese fake nerdy guy sell-out accent or his Korean (what the hell language he speaking?) counterpart; but real JAPAN hero.

Hey Kazuhide,
Why the swipe at victims of Hurricane Katrina and earthquakes in southern California?　You sound like a typical conservative jerk. I didn't know you were so politically-minded. 
In case you forgot, many people lost their lives as a result of those natural disasters ... you arrogant fucking moron. 
Have a great day.
Walter Cronkite

Dear Mr. Cronkite,
I don’t believe you reading my column at all. Number one, of course I am bery political. My name: Kazuhide ‘Bery Political’ Otani. Number two, You can’t reading well, because I talk about funding of relief effort from private vs. public funds of relieve the disaster, and you get insult from that no reason. Yes it is disaster and people die. God takes the life of mankind every day so get pissing on him, not me if you angry with that subject.

Dear Kazuhide,
I'm currently a missionary for the Mormon church, living and working in Japan. I was curious as to how you believe we could get more of the Japanese people to join our religion?
Brandon in Nagoya

Dear Brandon,
Japan having prenty religion. Mormon is another name for “church of latter day scientology”, I study this on internet, its followers coming to Japanese house want to talk to me about witness to Jehova. Sometimes girl is cute, so I rike mormon girl. Maybe you need more girl sales in short skirt and less gay boy on bicycle?

Dear Kazuhide-Sama,
A member of my family recently became engaged to a nice Japanese young lady, and I'm going to Japan to visit the both of them in a few months; I live in the US. I'm a little nervous because I really don't want to make a bad first impression on the fiance. Since our cultures are totally different, I don't want to accidentally do anything to offend her or her family. Do you have any pertinent advice as far as what I should or should not do when I meet her?
Thank you.

Dear...,
I wish you luck for meeting the parents of fiance. My best advice for you, to make the good impression, is don’t remove your shoes in their house. This show the strong American conviction and stance to your USA is best manners, and they will impress that. Next, is carefully stab the chopsticks straight up into bowl of rice and offer them to her father in the dinner time. Then insist on passing food to his chopsticks directly from your chopsticks. He will try to say no to this, but it is modesty, you must insist. Good luck.

Dear Kazuhide,
This is in conjunction to your response made to Justin about why Japanese don't have very much money, and your comment about Hurricane Katrina and the government having to wipe the ass of people who are in trouble, because if Japan was ever in trouble, the whole world would be wiping Japan's ass.
-Akinyele Brandley

Dear Akinyele,
I infuriate to this massage. Who help Kazu when his house destroy the Kobe Earthquake? Kazu! Some day, the whole world wipe everybody ass together, but for now, yellow people must help to themself.

Dear Kazuhide,
Why has there been such a huge population decline recently in Japan? Are Japanese men and women getting bored of each other, or are the Japanese people as a whole just getting less horny? I am very curious as to why they're not popping them out much these days. Also, what can people like me (gaijin living in Japan) do to help?
Your fan,
Ringo Loadagain

Dear Ringo Loadagain,
As you know this world have many disaster, like earthquake, and morning musume. Many Japanese couple very wise to decide instead bring the girl into life and change the diaper, they just have abortion, so baby soul can go directly to heaven without needing to suffering on earth. It is most noble and religious way of Japanese people. But population also decrease, so I get more room to sit in train.

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