Only in Japan: Pizza Porn

By Ken Aichi

Pizza, food of gods and reputedly the mob's favorite pre-/post-heist snack, is done differently in Japan. There are NO RULES here. Where at home you'd expect to find three varieties of delicious Italian cheese, perfect tomato sauce and tasty smoked meats, in Japan you have to learn to expect the unexpected...

Charcoal Pizza (submitted by Asuka)

How about charcoal, as in a composite of carbon and ash? Were you expecting that?! Neither was I. From the home of wishful thinking, this yummy-looking BLACK charcoal pizza is limited to 20 orders per day. Do they get 20 orders? If they do, something's wrong.

Sirloin Pizza

I really don't know where to start... Here the pizza itself is relegated to mere serving plate status. Won't somebody think of the pizzas?!

Pasta Bowl

I want to rip my eyes out, but what will I dip them in? This so-called "Bread Bowl Pasta" is offensive to both pizza and pasta. If there are any Italians reading this, can I just say, on behalf of Japanese society, that this probably wasn't intended to be seen as an act of war. It just came out wrong.

"UFO"

And the winner of the prestigious 2009 "Least Misleading Pizza Name" award goes to...

Gyu-suji Pizza

This pizza only has one topping, a fact covered by a conveniently placed lawn.

that doesn't belong there!

Corn on pizza is the kind of culinary faux pas that sends people into a state of food fighting fury. In really severe cases, you can't see the pizza for the corn; in slightly less extreme instances, you still won't be able to see the pizza because, like any pizza-respecting citizen faced with corn, you will be caught up in a blind rage. Research suggests that this has something to do with the scientifically proven fact that corn should be eaten off the cob. Japanese scientists beg to differ.

Hawaiian Delight

Sure you've put enough corn on there, Mr. Pizza Maker?

Akisake Pizza

This Hokkaido special has broccoli for people who don't like corn. It also has corn for people who don't like broccoli.

The Thing

But the egg ... it's raw! I mean, that can't be right ... surely not on a pizza ... Oh, the humanity!

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