Ask Kazuhide September 2010

By Kazuhide Otani

Harro Dear Leaders. This month episode of Ask Kazuhide is have the theme of ‘ass’. Every human have the ass, but Japanese is use differently their ass than the foreigner. In Japan, ass is for sitting down or going bathroom. After I google search the ‘American Ass’ I was shocked. I learn that ass is for slapping, and strange sexual thing between the blonde woman and large black man. I still need learning much more about the your culture. But let me telling you, this is not correct way to make the baby, it will not work!

Dear Kazuhide,
Whats going on with this foot in my mouth disease? tell me very much please
Sal Farruggio

Dear Sal-san,
I tell you the secret to becoming more interesting to women. The less you talking, the more interest they are to you. If you are pretend you are listening their trouble, they will love you forever.

Dear Kazuhide
Why do Japanese toilets have western style and Japanese style: do Japanese people have different arses? And if so, why is the western style one always in use? Surely it should be for Europeans to use.
Jamie Findlay

Dear Jamie,
Ha ha, don’t be ridiculous, of course our ass is different! We use European style toilet too because it is exotic. Of course, our technique is different. We are standing on the seat and squat japanese toiled style, instead of lazy american way to sit on the seat and reading newspaper. Squat is good for stretch the knees, and helps your tube open for missile deploy. Please trying it!

Dear Kazuhide,
Why do I have to use toilet slippers?
Trey Hoffman

Dear Trey,
As I say earlier, we stand on the toilet seat and squat poritely like the snow monkey, so slipper is keep everything more clean and sanitarium while stand on the toilet.

Dear Kazuhide,
Why do taxi drivers always wear white gloves? Or is it only for when gaijins step in the car?
François le Pajonais

Dear Francois,
Yes, it is only for gaijin passenger. This is to prevent to get the HIV infection from touching your money.

Dear Kazuhide,
Why can't Japanese companies, with all of their technical acumen and global economic savvy, make paper towels and toilet paper with perforation that actually works? Every time I try to pull myself a nice, neat square of TP or a paper towel, it rips. This is a serious problem.
Trey Hoffman

Dear Trey,
You should know, we japanese are have the certain level of basic skill competence to enjoy our daily life. One is, we can cooking our own food the okonomiyaki restaurant, we don’t needing the chef. Another is we can use chopstick even since we are born. And finarry, we have ability to gentle tear the toilet paper so it is coming off properly. You are in Japan to study and learn to do these thing. Prease also learning how to wiping your ass properly, no one of us can teach this to you.


remember kids, no question is too stupid to ASK KAZUHIDE: kazuhideotani@me.com

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