Who’s the Horniest Of them All?

By James Horton

Bar Horny Opens In Kamiyashiro!

Get ready Nagites! The East End is heating up with the arrival of Bar Horny, the newest and hippest star in the Nag nightlife constellation. Set to open this month in the fashionable Nagoya district of Kamiyashiro.

Situated behind Hotel Nagoya, a mere 10 minutes walk from Kamiyashiro Station, Bar Horny is the inspiration of newbie barman John “J.B.” Purvis who was was captivated by the vibe of the location - a former karaoke booth situated on the 3rd floor of the posh New Life Century Building. The location offers a satisfying view of Kamiyashiro and it’s famous entrance to the Nagoya Highway - a perfect backdrop for the nocturnal adventures the name promises.

While the space is admittedly a bit cozy, it can comfortably fit up to 6 people. And come this Christmas J.B. is set to unveil a luxury couple’s sofa just in time for the romantic season!

The journey to Horny was long for J.B., an ex-NOVA teacher who took his former company’s bankrupcy as a sign to strike out on his own. “I never intended to stay in the eikaiwa game,” he explains over a morning whisky. “But as so many folks out there understand, time can get away from you, and before you know it you’re sitting in a NOVA cubicle, 30 years older, wondering how you pissed your life away so easily.”

J.B. admits that he was in a “frankly depressed” state of mind towards the end of his time at NOVA, and he’s eternally thankful for the way fate played its final hand. Not that he’s a great believer in fate. “There are some things that we just can’t leave to the unknown,” he continues, “and I know that someone took my hand and pulled me away from the dark place [NOVA].” He raises his drink to a small statue of Jesus, that sits towards the end of the bar. “I bless the day that he came into my heart.”

The effigy, hands clasped below its beard in devout prayer, looks out over a small illuminous dance area that takes up the space behind the special VIP chair, where I’m currently sitting. “It’s going to be a great spot for booty watching,” he chuckles, his eyes glancing from deity to the spanking new disco-floor. “Cost me a frigging fortune for those four little tiles, but you should see how it looks when I turn the strobes on! I think that’s the part people will remember Bar Horny for.”

J.B. admits that before he came to Japan, he had no experience running a drinking establishment. “I worked in the student’s bar at Tulsa Community College for a couple of weeks,” he recalls, “but the place was full of pricks - student types who couldn’t hold their booze. I ended up getting into a nasty fight with one of them, and that was it for me. I don’t know, sometimes I’m just not keen on the general public.” Not that he thinks his past run-ins will cause him trouble at Bar Horny. “It’s all part of life’s rich tapestry,” he says. “I’ll bet our Lord had some pretty hairy times back when he was a carpenter. I mean, it’s not exactly white collar work, is it?”

This first establishment is just a beginning (J.B. is planning on a Bar Horny chain of establishments throughout Japan), but his plans for his first location include a wide screen TV for live sports and an Indian lunch buffet during the week. Keep your eyes peeled to this space for details.

Bar Horny is set to open its doors on June 21st, and J.B. has promised a launch party to remember. For one night only, he’s waiving the cover charge (normally ¥2000), and is offering ¥100 off every nama to anyone who brings along a copy of this article. “It’s just my way of saying thanks,” he explains. “You’ve got to give a little bit back to those that made you what you are”

Bar Horny opens on September 18th. The party starts at 7:30pm sharp. For map and directions go to: www.barhorny.com

Latest Forum Threads